Nochés de Passion con Señor Solis.

Léon is a good movie. It reminds me of Sin City. And V for Vendetta.

It reminds me a LOT of V for Vendetta.


however-

There is not nearly enough flatulence/genital related humor.


** 2 stars out of 5

part three: john the gorilla: the long hard never again

11:38.



I am at work and I am still drunk. Doubtless.



For real, I'm never going to finish the Vegas story unless I do it now, as a proper segue into last night.



It's Saturday and I'm in vegas and we're at a breakfast buffet. Every hotel feeds you in buffet form, whether you're at the Venetian or Lucky Louie's Bad Times Casino. I am in "line" behind a very scary cholo man and I think of Rebeca. He glances over at me while he fishes for eggs, and asks, "Where did you get that scar?"



There are people who have known me for months-- years, even, without asking this.



He catches me off guard and the response is kneejerk. "Gunfight," I tell him.



He nods approvingly and moves on. Breakfast is decent, not great. They have yogurt and I fill up on that. There is no better feeling in the world than just being completely overflowing from the inside, chock full of dairy products. It's how an IED must feel. A pipe bomb. Something simple, poorly made and deadly-- that's me, when I'm full of yogurt.



I go to the pool for a long time. 122 degrees in vegas. I fall asleep on my back, so I am now two distinct shades of tan with my shirt off. I am told that this drives the ladies crazy. Two-tone John is on the prowl; watch yourself.



We go to the family reunion thing. I am still a deranged fuckmonster, but I resist the urge to hit on my distant cousins. I sing some karaoke songs. I hit on the bartendress. Huge, overflowing, jiggling personality on that girl. I get drunk. Typing that, I want to throw up because I am drunk right now.



I tour vegas with some of my older cousins. I start gambling again. There is no poetry here; I lost everything. All my profits from the day before, the saved 200, everything. It's gone. I feel like a loser; mostly cause I lost over and over. Losers lose.



I go to sleep a broken man. I look like this picture. I hate las vegas. Forever.



I go home the next day. I'm all out of embellishments.

---



Last night I'm in PB and my phone rings at around 11:00. Next thing I know, I'm at SDSU drinking with my coworkers. I drink too much, too fast. Story of my life. I smoked all of Tina's cigarettes. Nice. I wake up mostly naked on a couch that isn't in the same house that I was drinking at. This was startling but not surprising. If there's a difference.



I am drunk at work now. Probably. I want to throw up. I am full of regret and alcohol. Which may be my next CD title.



The upside is that I recorded a sick version of All Choked Up into my keyboard this morning. That should sound good.

The hardening pt. II: Las Vegas: John the Thrilla

insert text here

His majesty's brilliant metamorphosis into base sex-fiend.

(...continued from previous post, "The maiden voyage....")



Hello loyal reader.

I must regretfully inform you that I have abandoned this project. There is simply too much information, so I will give you the bullet points, if you were curious.

*John/Ben arrive safely in Chowchilla. Stephanie's dad lives in a castle on a golf course.

*John calls dad; informs him that he drove. Dad is skeptical, suggests that car will break down on way home. John informs Dad that dad is wrong and an idiot.

*Saturday finds the roommates at the 'resort' area of the course- food and swimming pools and etc. abound.

*John is so pent up from abstaining since Thursday, even the most haggard of women are completely attractive to him. Hillarity ensues.

I'll stop the slideshow to include one hillarious conversation with a 4 year old nephew-ish person of Stephanie's. His name is William, goes by Liam. He is from Seattle and wants to be a surfer. He doesn't let his mom cut his hair, but he is only 4 so it's not that long.

Liam: Hello.
John: Hi liam, how is your day going?
Liam: It is good. I rode in an airplane.
John: That's right, you're from Seattle. I remember now.

John: Liam, do you like baseball?
Liam: Yes.
John: Do you like the Mariners?
Liam: Yes.

(Liam fidgets with some sort of cookie and kicks his feet. I do the same thing because I am basically four and I like cookies.)

John: Did you know that the greatest baseball player alive, Ken Griffey Jr, used to play for the Seattle Mariners?
Liam: Yes. Did you know that the best snake alive is the King Cobra?


John: Yes.


We later discussed watermelons, the best animal, the best dinosaur, and the difficulties of surfing in Seattle, WA. But I did think that transition from my hero to a venomous reptile was pretty seamless.

*John, Ben, Stepahnie, Vincent all play way too many drinking games. John goes to bed drunk and angry.

*John and Ben leave before Stephanie and Vince on Sunday.

*John drives like an asshole. Car is acting suspicious. John and Ben press onward.

*Car is really acting suspicious now, we press onward.

*Radio turns off and emergency brake light turns on. What the shit?

*transition...

*John and Ben are broken down in front of Angelina Jolie's house on the corner of Sunset and Foothill in Beverly Hills. We are ignored by paparazzi and security guards, and because it is Sunday, a tow truck and mechanic are completely inaccessible.

*We are rescued by a combination of AAA, the world's surliest tow truck driver, the only gas station in Beverly Hills, Stephanie Fall, and Ben's grand-aunt Kathy, who is perhaps the sweetest lady in the world.

*Dennis warns us that we will likely have to take a train back to San Diego and come back next week for the car.

*John calls home, lies about what happened, says he is back in San Diego already but is not coming to visit them for some unknown reason. John refuses to let dad know he was right about the car breaking down.

*Repairs are eventually made, John and Ben arrive home scott free.



*John makes some irrational phonecalls; eventually busts a nut.





~fin.