The ultimate fate of his most illustrious Sir John of unshakable determination.

Here's the scene.

It's dark and it's raining in a city with a lot of multi-storied buildings; highrise apartment complexes and such. The sort of buildings with names like Madonna's. "I live in the Wittenborne." Oh I'm on the 17th floor of the Mitchell right across the way.

They're both crouched on the floor of the balcony facing outwards. She's half-asleep (I dont know why yet) and he's behind her with his arms draped over her shoulders crossing at the wrists.

He is simultaneously surprised, relieved, and overjoyed. He is terrified that it's all a dream. He is crying and laughing, literally at the same time.

"My Blue Heaven" BLASTS over the speakers. It's all too familiar, it happens all the time.

Pan across the city.

Two sides twist and then collide. Sometimes it just feels better to give in.

Cut to every scene of destruction that has resulted in this anomaly. Like the end of the Godfather. Everything falling into place.

Dull heat rises from the sheets. Double standardized suspicion is remedied, oh my blue heaven.

Cut back to them, zoom in on her, eyes shut. Everything's coated in rain.

A tiny voice starts to sing, 'you are safe, child. You are safe.'

Roll aftermaths of fated scenes. Every broken heart smashed open for the ridiculously unlikely ending being shown. Everything he engineered, and most powerfully, all the things he didn't. Fate tossed him one.

Cut to him.

It's you I can't deny.

Zoom in on his face. Eyes. It's exactly how you'd expect someone to look if they had just survived a trip through a black hole. Teary eyed joyous insanity. "I can't believe this worked" is what his face says, verbatim.

It's you I can't deny.

His grip on her tightens now. Spotlight them. Finally his.

Fade to black.
------

"And then what" is completely overrated. We saved the world! And then what? Go back to normal? Who cares. It's alright if the "then what" answer isn't much- getting there is everything. If you have done something so remarkable that it prompts an "And then what?" then you've already won.

That's how I know. That's how I know what matters and that's why I can use a term like victory in situations like these.


I'm not crazy, honest, but they're gonna be talking about us forever.

And even if they don't, they should.

this hyphenated lifestyle

-

John De Bergerac

because it is better to fight in vain.










explanation, 9/26/07: This makes sense if you know the story.

The Definition of Insanity

So she got into his car out of loyalty. She smiled all the same, but it was loyalty and nothing else that found her in his car. It is the ultimate act of charity- she has no idea why this is important to him, but she knows that it is important to him, so her loyalty brings her into his car and they drive slowly. He plays the saddest song he'd heard all week, but hesitates on the volume knob because maybe he'd rather see her happy than enlightened. Rather happy than healed.

They drive slowly listening to songs that remind him of her. He wanted her to hear them too, as if she'd fall in love with him the same way he fell in love with the songs. That strong association with art. I'll never forget the girls who own these songs. My favorite songs aren't even good songs, but the memories are the best. It's where it takes you.

It wasn't that sad, she said- the song wasn't that sad- as if in order for him to think of her, it would have to be a sad song. So he played her a happy one. Fate forces him to say something lovely as the loveliest song he'd heard all week comes to a close.

He halfway tells and halfway begs her never to stop being sweet. Cause she might be the only sweetness left in the world. She assures him she's stuck in this state. They're her crutches, but it's the boy who is lifted up by them.

It's her illness- but for the last half hour, it's been killing him. And it's been curing him.

She gets out of his car when he gives the cue, and her day goes on normally. His does too. Scratch one significant moment off the list, carve another notch in the belt. Write it down for the story that everyone's gonna see someday.

Junkie got his fix.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while at the same time expecting a different outcome each time.

She doesn't know why it makes him happy but she'd rather make him happy than break his heart.

We're all addicts in the end. Whether it's love, affection, or attention, we need it. To validate ourselves. To remind ourselves that we exist and we're important. The Capulet up on the balcony might sing to you, but she won't jump down into your arms. Not without a lot of dead bodies getting in the way.

The best you can do is get it down to a checklist and just keep on going throughout your day. Get that drug you need, but don't let it define you. Make yourself better without selling your whole life wholesale in order to get validated. Do something for yourself.

What kind of reputation would you have if you were the last living person in the world?