how to be paris hilton.

i) be sweet at all times.

ii) never hold anything

iii) if you walk past a mirror, always look at yourself in it.

iv) whenever you enter a house, always ask for toast and butter.

v) if you don't know what to say, just say "that's hot."

I was flipping through channels and the Simple Life was on. I hadn't seen this show in years and I was not going to start watching it now.

Paris was talking to a girl who looked a good deal like her.

"You're hot."
"Thanks, I think you're hot too."
"Thanks bitch."

Then she addressed a girl who looked even more like her.
"Your legs are killer, and you're hot. But you're also a boy and I think people will realize that."
I guess one of the Paris look-alikes was a man. Paris apparently needs a body double for something.

She finally chose the winner, a third contestant, and told her they had a lot of work to do; most important of which was memorizing the afforementioned rules. I changed the channel after that.

Why is this relevant?

Because I am only two rules away from being Paris Hilton.

So does anyone have any toast and butter?